Is it over for John Edwards?

What happens when yet another politician gets caught having an extramarital affair? Americans are no longer shocked by infidelity in people with power and influence, but if the accused happened to be running for President of the United States it becomes a breaking news story.

Everyone in the media has varied emotions about John Edwards’ affair. The first concern is for his cancer stricken wife, Elizabeth, and their family. Supporters are disappointed while others close to Mr. Edwards’ talk of betrayal. Others are asking, “What if he had won the democratic nomination for President and the whole thing blew up?”

Mr. Edwards decided to take the path of confession to ABC’s Nightline with Bob Woodruff. The interview failed to offer much insight to the one-time presidential candidate’s feeling of remorse or regret. When one of his supporters was asked her reaction to Mr. Edward’s interview she stated, “His face didn’t look like he was telling the truth.” The only person who knows how truthful he is or isn’t rests with Mr. Edwards. None of us is his morale judge, nor will any speculative diatribe be offered here about the state of his marriage. What is apparent is that he lost an opportunity to express emotional sincerity.

What stood out in his interview were the conflicting demeanor and his body language. They didn’t match his words or the situation. Reporters, supporters and politicians appeared to be taking the whole situation more seriously than Mr. Edwards. He took the blame for the affair, claimed full responsibility, but it stopped there. We didn’t get the sense that he has come to grips with the impact of his actions or the damage fall out. It didn’t seem clear that his confession was one of a man in pain or that of a man who got caught.

If you analyze the interview he did teach some lessons of what not to do when trying to repair damage. His mixed messages and body language undermined, rather than helped. He smiled inappropriately several times during the interview. While his ever present mega watt smile served a persuasive purpose on the campaign trail it didn’t serve him during his answers to tough questions about lying to the media and cheating on his wife. His expressions and responses seemed in direct contrast to the professionalism of Bob Woodruff who never faltered from his direct style of questioning. Nor, at any time, did he smile along with Mr. Edwards.

Mr. Woodruff provided him several opportunities to acknowledge his remorse, regrets and or issue an apology. One question asked, “Do you think your political career is completely over? Mr. Edward’s response, “I’m not sure I had a political future anyway.” Rather than a dismissive answer, he missed the opportunity to say, “I am sorry that my actions and poor judgment disappointed my family, supporters, allies and friends. I regret that I caused them pain and embarrassment. I don’t have answers yet regarding my political future, but I know I will always continue to help people who can’t help themselves. Right now, my focus is on my wife, my family and the people I’ve disappointed. I have work to do in their healing and in regaining their trust.

He repeatedly castigated the “supermarket tabloids” for making outrageous allegations or being sensationalistic. It turns out, their allegations were true. He was the one not being truthful. His tone suggested the whole mess could be blamed on the media for the affair and confronting his denial.

He did get one thing right. The interview focused on his admission of his wrongdoings instead of Elizabeth Edward’s sadness being put on public display. He elected not to have her sitting by his side holding his hand. Reminiscent of Kobe Byrant and his wife during his news conference responding to his rape charges, and who can forget Eliot Spritzer’s wife standing at his side as he confessed to his prostitution scandal? Her pain, humiliation and sadness spoke louder than his words. She said nothing, but her demeanor tugged our hearts. It made Elliot Spritzer appear more villainous in character than another high profile cheating husband whose actions collapsed their world.

While there are no formulaic contrived rules for handling damage control, there are some behavioral actions to add to the credibility of an apology. First, the public does not want to see a smiling face in any crisis or damage control situation. Second, to gain credibility the demeanor of the accused must match his or her message and words. Third, remorse or regret is an emotion words alone cannot convey. Believability comes when people feel what you’re saying. It is rare for anyone to feel “your pain” unless you genuinely feel it and allow yourself to express it.

JUDY’S ACTION TIP: The majority of us are not public figures. It is unlikely we will face a crisis played out in the media, but the same principles apply to anyone who finds themselves on the receiving end of tough questions. We all make mistakes. These public scandals present a valuable lesson to be learned. Forgiveness comes when we admit it, apologize, sincerely express the regret, take action to improve the situation and don’t make the same mistake again.

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